Types of Abuse

Abuse is not something that happens only between husbands and wives, or boyfriends and girlfriends. Abuse happens in families, between friends, in schools, churches and at work. In the past, the laws on the books in most states (and countries) have only made physical abuse a crime. But physical abuse is just the most obvious. Other forms of abuse are now being recognized by counselors, doctors and lawmakers.

While I've mentioned the different types of relationships that can include abuse, domestic abuse is not only prevalent, but one of the most dangerous occurrences of abuse. In the law enforcement environment, domestic dispute calls are the most dangerous and most lethal calls for police to respond to. The presence of a gun in the home not only increases the likelihood of abuse to occur, but also increases the chances of domestic homicide in the relationship. The victim faces the most danger when they leave the relationship.

Abuse may look different based on culture, demographic and location. What one population has deemed socially unacceptable or even a criminal act, may not be so somewhere else. Abusers will relocate often to isolate their victim(s), to avoid detection and to reside in less restrictive areas where laws lack definition and consequence. Abusers are predatory and will chose victims that are vulnerable based on any number of criteria, with former or ongoing trauma being the most common.

The foundation of all forms of abuse are power and control. Knowing that, it's easier to see and understand how many different behaviors are abusive. There are a lot of resources that explain the different forms of abuse in detail, but I want to put things in simple terms here. When reading about abuse, words we see often are manipulation, coercion, and gaslighting, to just name a few. It might be a good idea to talk about those words first.

Manipulation is when someone is trying to take advantage of you by lying to you or other people about you. Sometimes manipulation can seem like someone is being very nice to you, but then they hurt you in some way.

EXAMPLE: A popular co-worker offers to help you get caught up at work when you've been out sick. But when a promotion comes up, she starts gossiping to your boss about how she's basically doing your job for you. She is using her "kindness" to make you look bad in hopes that she'll get the promotion.

Coercion is forcing, persuading or convincing someone to do something they don't want to do. In abusive relationships, this is called coercive control. Just like manipulation, sometimes the person being controlled doesn't recognize that they are being coerced into doing something that is harmful to them.

EXAMPLE: After a few months of dating, your new boyfriend starts suggesting that you wear less revealing clothes in public. You don't think your clothes are revealing at all, and point out to him that he used to compliment your fashion choices. He then tells an elaborate story about an acquaintance of his making derogatory remarks about you, and that he is now worried about your safety. He seems very sincere and concerned, and the two of you come to a "compromise" that you can wear "sexy" clothes when he is around to protect you, but really doesn't want you wearing them any other time. It doesn't feel quite right to you, but you agree because he seems to genuinely care. Before you know it, you are seeking his approval before you get dressed.

Laura Richards is a crime analyst in the UK that has done extensive research on coercive control. She provides detailed information about coercive control at her website.

Gaslighting is something that is done as a more extreme form of both manipulation and coercion. It happens when someone tries to tell you that something happened that didn't. They will often create a certain situation, and then later recount it to you and others as happening differently. The goal is to confuse you, cause you to doubt yourself, or to make you think or look like you are "crazy" or mentally ill.

EXAMPLE: Before school one morning, your sister starts an argument over something minor, she insults you and your feelings are hurt, so you insult her back. You think about it all day, and decide you want to reconcile with your sister, but not without talking about her part in it first. When you try to talk to her about it, she tearfully claims to your mother that you started the fight and that you always bully her, and recounts your insult to her.

Now that we have a basic understanding of some of the tools of abuse, we can talk about some other forms of abuse. The way a person may gain power and control over another is by creating an environment where the victim is solely dependent on the abuser for all of their needs. This is done by eroding the victim's self-esteem, limiting their access to necessities, isolation, and creating circumstances that are difficult to overcome on their own.

Below is a list of different types of abuse, followed by a short description.

• Physical Abuse - This may seem like an obvious form of abuse, but often physical abuse can be subtle and not leave noticeable evidence. Physical abuse can also take the form of physical intimidation by ignoring personal space boundaries, throwing things or breaking things.
• Sexual Abuse - This may also seem obvious, too, but sexual abuse is not always being raped by a masked stranger in an alleyway. Most often, sexual abuse comes from someone known to the victim and takes place after a period of grooming. Sexual abuse is any unwanted physical contact of a sexual nature. It can also take the form of coerced pregnancy.
• Financial Abuse - Controlling a person's money, restricting access to money they are entitled to, controlling and withholding access to what should be shared assets, incurring debt in the name of another without their consent and/or knowledge, or purposely hiding money and assets from someone that may be legally entitled to them.
• Discriminatory Abuse - Derogatory comments and harassment of a person, or denial of services based on their age, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, culture, religion or any other factor of their identity that defines them.
• Emotional/Psychological Abuse - Overlaps with many of the other forms of abuse listed, and is often used as a blanket term. Coercion, harassment, intimidation, humiliation, manipulation, neglect and gaslighting are just some of the ways a person can be abused emotionally and psychologically.
• Neglect/Acts of Omission as Abuse - Denying a person access to necessities like food, clothing, sleep, money, transportation, and medical care. It can also take the form of withholding affection, emotional support, and intimacy.
• Organizational/Religious Abuse - This often takes the form of extreme ideologies designed to give a subset of the group power and control over the rest of the group. The goal is often financial gain, human trafficking, and sexual abuse.
• Medical Abuse - Forcing a person to undergo medical and mental health treatment they don't need and/or would be harmful to them. Or, conversely, withholding necessary medical treatment.
• Legal Abuse - Using the legal system, or threats of using the legal system, to intimidate and control someone, compromise their assets or livelihood, or otherwise affect their life negatively. Signs of legal abuse are frequent, detrimental and costly court filings, often followed by dismissals only to repeat the initial filings.
• Substance Abuse - Forcing another person to use substances against their will, or causing another person to become addicted to substances, and/or withholding those substances. Or, withholding necessary prescribed medications.
• Digital Abuse - Using technology to monitor, control, humiliate, or isolate a person. This can be extensive and broad, from using apps to track a person to assuming their identity online, to posting humiliating pictures on the internet, to defaming and embarrassing them publicly. Digital abuse can also be controlling or withholding a person's access to necessary technology, like online courses, employment, or medical appointments.